For most of us, we want the holidays to be fun and exciting. But more often than not, the holiday season evokes tension and stress. By spending more money than our budgets allow, or going overboard by eating the wrong foods, or taking on too many activities...these external stressors are only a piece of the bigger picture. These problems only compound when we are faced with unresolved family issues and budget limitations. And as the holidays approach, these issues may seem larger and more complicated as we confront family members who we typically don't see throughout the year, and often don't really want to see!

Here are 5 tips that will help reduce your holiday stress:

1. Be Prepared.
It is important to remember that a mixture of feelings and emotions will undoubtedly be experienced. Preparing for this mixture is a sure bet to avoiding the shock and surprise when a myriad of feelings erupt from sometimes the most seemingly innocent of situations. When we're prepared and use the patterns from past holiday seasons to help us do things differently, we can create a new feeling around the holidays. Even if the stress is only slightly reduced, we have changed something about our lives and our repetitive patterns. The worst feeling is to be stuck doing the same things over and over again that just don't work.

2. Be Realistic.
One way to prepare for holiday stress is to be realistic. If you have unresolved issues with your family, they won't magically disappear just because it's the holiday. Wishing for this only sets the stage for disappointment, failure and unhappiness. In fact, the issues are more likely to escalate during the holidays because there's so much pressure to get along, have fun, and be nice. Look at past holidays and learn what's realistic with your family. You don't have to repeat the same unworkable scenario year after year.

3. Nix the Shoulds.
The holiday season creates a lot of "shoulds." "I should see my parents or my siblings because, after all, it is the holiday season." If you feel obligated to see your family during the holiday season, lower your stress by thinking about it in a different way. First of all, remember that you have choices. There is no rule book that says we need to be with our families during the holidays or how long we need to visit with them. If things are simply too stressful with your family, either don't arrange a visit, or limit the time you spend with them.

4. Change Your Reaction.
Our internal feelings and memories of past holidays color how we see the season. Try to look within and see what your beliefs and expectations are about the holidays. Simply make a list of the things that don't work with your family and ask yourself how you usually deal with each one. Then, see if you can think of one way to deal with it a little bit differently. Change your reaction and you'll change the situation. Just by doing this, you have begun to alter an old pattern that doesn't work. This one small transformation can reduce your holiday stress, bringing more peace within yourself and to those around you.

5. Create New and Inexpensive Traditions.
Make a list of things you do every year, noting what each item costs. Get creative and transform your list into new traditions that don't break the bank. For example, as a family, pick out a tree together at Costco, take it home, heat up some apple cider, and play your favorite Christmas CD while decorating the tree together. Instead of purchasing new Christmas decorations, recycle and redecorate your old ornaments. Or make Christmas cookies together and give them away as gifts. There're a lot of ways to create new traditions when our wallets are anything but full.

Remember that it really IS possible to make the holidays about love and connection. Just by thinking about the season a little bit differently and taking some new actions and you will be able to make this a holiday season of fond memories!


About the Author:

"What's the big deal? All I said was ..." Sound familiar? Argument/Affairs Expert and Therapist Sharon M. Rivkin, the SelfGrowth.com Official Guide to Conflict Resolution, helps couples fix their relationships by understanding why they fight. Sharon says, "If you don't get rid of the ghosts that haunt your arguments, you'll never stop fighting!" Read her new book, "Breaking the Argument Cycle: How to Stop Fighting Without Therapy," to learn the tools of therapy to break the cycle of destructive fighting. Sharon has been featured in "O: The Oprah Magazine," "Reader's Digest," and DrLaura.com, and appeared on Martha Stewart Whole Living Radio.
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